Let it be Messy

(Because it already is!)

I come to you today with a non-Pinterest-worthy work table, no less than 55–no, 56 tabs open in my browser, and the charred remnants of a tortilla I put on the burner to cook and swore I wouldn’t light on fire…RIP tortilla. But good job anyways, self! You only burned one tortilla today, when normally you burn 2 or 3. I have so many different things I want and need to do it feels like there’s a cloud of bees zooming around my head, each item on my list a little bee flying around that I need to coax into landing so I can examine its little fuzzy striped body and ask it what it wishes of me. And when you add in the chaos that is the world, and USA right now, the overwhelm makes it hard to feel motivated to work on the creative things I really want to do. Suffice to say, it’s messy, and I know I’m not the only one. What, oh what are we to do about this?

My anxiety over all of the above makes me switch around the to-do list priorities in my head. Must clean before I can feel calm enough to create. Must run errands and get sucked into the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie version, where I tell myself, “well if we’re going here, we might as well think of 3 more places we should go along the route, and then return home hours later too exhausted to do the real harder work. Or, just dawdle during the mundane logistical things need to get done, because I’m worried about my ability to do my creative projects well.

Now, my birdie buddies, rest assured that I am not one of those people who will tell you their desk is messy a little sheepishly when there are just a few little things out of place. In the spirit of credibility and messy people camaraderie, allow me to present to you a series of very scientific documentation of my literal mess:

A timeline of events:

A messy desk still life

The irony is not lost on me that there is a poor paintbrush being squished under my big paint palette tray right next to a jar of brush reshaper. I have yet to evaluate this magic brush sludge’s effectiveness, but I do know that it was made for people like me. And just in case you think, “oh, that’s not that messy”, I’ve included a Where’s Waldo-like photo of my art table and the flambéed tortilla for your amusement (or horror) at the end of this post.

Today I’m showing up here with you without having done any of my mundane to-dos (gold star for that!). My art table is still in a very similar state as in the still life above, although it has shifted and evolved as messy art spaces tend to do. I’m not sure if I agree with my classmate that a messy art table means I’m not holding my art or creativity in regard. Some of the most creative among us are “messies”. I think my art space shows that life’s messy, I definitely don’t have it all together, and that I’m creating anyways.

And here’s an archeological diagram of the strata of my art table. Put on your hard hats people!

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All this to say, we can be messy, and still show up. Our houses can be messy, and we can still show up. Our brains and lives are messy, and we can still show up (others might benefit from insights into our messy brains anyhow). The world is messy, and we may think that what we’re doing doesn’t matter as much or won’t make a difference, but it is more necessary now than ever to show up and balance the absolute BLEGH with art, beauty and joy, and a healthy dose of cathartic ways to express our discontent with the chaos around us right now. Humor is one of my greatest allies when it comes to crappy situations.

My wise self knows all of these things matter. It invites me to show up and create, even as I sit here feeling like I don’t have any of it figured out. The sooner we can just accept that life is already messy, and that it always will be varying states of messy,the sooner we can decide to bring our complicated and messy selves to our literal or metaphorical messy tables to show up and create what we need to create anyways!

Full-winged bird hugs to everyone right now! Thanks for being in my flock just as you are!

And now, without further ado, actual photos of the flambéed tortilla, and my messy art table!

As with the banana duct-taped to the wall, you can inquire with my agent Olive about purchasing this piece of art for only 6.2 million dollars. She might even cut you a deal!

Enough procrastinating, here’s the mess in all its messy glory!

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C: